When it comes to sexual desire, many people assume that desire is only something that happens spontaneously. Pop culture makes it seem like people are supposed to get turned on super easily, as if a switch can simply be flipped. When this isn’t how YOU experience desire, it can make you feel broken, like something is wrong with you. This myth of only one type of desire needs to be debunked. There are actually two different types of desire: spontaneous and responsive. Understanding the difference between these two types of desire can be helpful in having a more fulfilling sex life.
Spontaneous desire is the type of desire that seems to come out of nowhere. It's the feeling of horniness some people have when they simply think about or see their partner. It is wanting to have sex just because, without much in terms of external triggers. People who experience spontaneous desire may find that they become aroused and interested in sex very easily or without any particular stimulating context. For some people, spontaneous desire may be a regular occurrence (especially at the beginning of a relationship). For others, it may happen less frequently, or even never.
On the other hand, responsive desire is the type of desire that is triggered by something external. This can be a physical touch, a romantic gesture, or an emotional connection with a partner. People who experience responsive desire may not feel sexually interested until they are already engaged in sexual activity or have had some kind of sexual stimulation.
It's important to note that neither type of desire is better or worse than the other. What's important is that individuals understand their own sexual desires and communicate them with their partners.