In this powerful episode of the Roadmap to Secure Love podcast, hosts Dr. Kimberly Castelo and Kyle Benson tackle a deeply important and often misunderstood topic: people pleasing and sex. This episode speaks directly to those who feel the pressure to perform in their intimate relationships, even when it means disconnecting from their own needs, […]
People Pleasing and Sex: How Attachment Patterns Sabotage Intimacy Read More »
At the heart of the mental load is the constant mental reviewing — running through checklists, double-checking tasks, and assessing what’s next. This process is rarely seen but is crucial to making sure nothing falls through the cracks. Reviewing is more than glancing at a to-do list; it’s a form of mental project management that
Reviewing Tasks and Mental Checklists Read More »
Delegating tasks might seem like a straightforward solution to lighten the mental load — but it’s not that simple. For many women, delegating comes with its own burden. It’s not just about handing off a chore; it’s about thinking through what needs to be done, explaining it, monitoring the results, and dealing with the emotional
Delegating Responsibilities and the Emotional Toll Introduction Read More »
One of the most overlooked yet mentally taxing components of the mental load is remembering. It’s not just about memorizing dates or items on a to-do list. It’s about holding the cognitive responsibility for an entire household’s needs, timelines, and preferences — and doing it around the clock. Remembering, in this context, is not passive.
Remembering Tasks as Part of Mental Load Read More »
At the core of the mental load conversation lies an uncomfortable truth: power in heterosexual relationships is often unequally distributed. This imbalance isn’t always about who earns more or who makes the final decisions. It often hides in more subtle places — like who is expected to plan, manage, and emotionally tend to the household.
Imbalance of Power Between Men and Women Read More »
Mental load doesn’t develop in a vacuum — it’s shaped by the society we live in. From media messages to cultural traditions, the world around us constantly reinforces the idea that women should be the primary caretakers and organizers of home life. These societal norms are powerful forces, silently dictating expectations and shaping behavior. The
Societal Norms Reinforcing Unequal Load Distribution Read More »
In many households, who does what isn’t just based on skills or availability — it’s rooted in deeply ingrained beliefs about gender. These beliefs, often unspoken, shape who is expected to notice what needs to be done, who takes charge without being asked, and who feels responsible when things slip through the cracks. Understanding these
Gendered Assumptions About Tasks Ownership Read More »
Mental load is a term that may not be familiar to many men, yet it’s central to understanding the daily cognitive and emotional burden many women carry in heterosexual relationships. Despite being invisible and unpaid, this kind of labor profoundly affects relationships, stress levels, and even sexual desire. But what exactly is mental load? What Is the Mental Load?
Definition of Mental Load Read More »
When people think about work around the house, they usually think of physical tasks — vacuuming, cooking, mowing the lawn. These are visible and often praised when completed. But there’s another type of work that often goes unnoticed: mental labor. Understanding the difference between these two kinds of labor is essential for creating a balanced relationship. Mental Labor
The Difference Between Mental and Physical Labor Read More »
Invisible labor is the unseen work that goes into making life run smoothly, and it’s one of the most underestimated parts of the mental load. Even when no physical tasks are being done, the mental wheels are always turning. Invisible labor is often ignored because it doesn’t leave a physical trace, yet it is essential and demanding. What Counts
