I am a certified sex therapist who works with matters of sexual health, erotic conflict, and relationships – with oneself and others. I specialize in helping people who struggle with what is often called “sex addiction,” though I prefer the term Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) because it reduces shame and centers understanding.
What makes my approach unique is the way I integrate the OCSB model and the Sexual Health framework – which emphasize self-awareness, personal responsibility, and integrity – with a deep understanding of human attachment.
As an attachment-focused therapist, I pay close attention to how our emotional bonds – both past and present – shape how we see ourselves, connect with others, and express our sexuality. From this point of view, out-of-control behavior often reflects a very human need for comfort, connection, and emotional balancing. If we can look beyond the behavior itself, we can understand what drives it.
There are several reasons why my clients experience their sexual behavior as out of control:
- One common experience is difficulty managing urges and desires. They continuously find themselves in situations they had intended to avoid, often facing devastating consequences of their choices.
- Others struggle with sexual behaviors that serve as attempts at emotional regulation. For some, physical and sexual intimacy is a primary or only source of comfort. These behaviors can momentarily soothe loneliness, anxiety, or despair. For others, sex becomes a way to avoid the vulnerability and complexity of intimate emotional closeness, which may feel overwhelming or unsafe.
- Some people feel stuck in a deep conflict between what they are drawn to sexually and how they feel about it. They might find something intensely arousing, while at the same time feeling ashamed or disgusted by it. This internal tug-of-war can feel isolating and confusing, especially when pleasure and judgment collide.
When we hold an attachment perspective, we can explore these struggles with care and curiosity:
- When attunement to self or self-regulation is shaky, sex may become a way to manage difficult emotions or boredom.
- When relationships feel unsafe or overwhelming, people may avoid vulnerability or over-rely on physical intimacy.
- And when shame shapes how someone views their desires, it’s easy to feel stuck in secrecy and inner conflict.
Seeing these patterns through an attachment lens brings compassion and context – it helps clients understand their behavior, not as brokenness, but as something that makes sense given the experiences that have shaped them.
Once we have the understanding of what is, change becomes possible. Healing starts by rebuilding a secure relationship with the self. As clients begin to understand the roots of their behavior, they often feel more compassion and less shame. This creates space for new choices that reflect their values. And as the relationship with the self becomes steadier – less critical, more supportive, and grounded in accountability – it becomes easier to connect with others in safer, more fulfilling ways.
From this place, clients can define and move toward their own Vision of Sexual Health – a sexuality that feels integrated, meaningful, self-directed, and aligned with their values, integrity, and capacity for connection.