I'm not in the mood

Couples go through seasons of feeling too tired to be intimate. Let’s face it: We are in a society where we are always rushing and have very little down time for ourselves. Talking hours on the phone with a friend has now been condensed into a few seconds of texting. We don’t have a lot of time for ourselves, let alone others.

In a society where life is moving so quickly, it is not uncommon for partners to feel like there is no time or energy for sex. The question is: How do we change that and make time for sex? Well, the one way to do that is to make love every day!

I am sure some of us want to stop reading right now, but please don’t! For those who are struggling with this topic, take intercourse off the table for a week. Instead, try flirting everyday with your partner.

Remember how you flirted when you first met? Try to tap into that kind of flirting for a week. Wink at each other, hold hands in the car, touch each other in passing. Any idea is a good idea. The main lesson here is that it only takes a moment to flirt, meaning it only takes a moment to let your partner know you find him or her desirable.

Taking intercourse off the table for a week allows couples to be silly and playful with each other. Remember when we were young and our parents said "Do not have sex!" to us? Well, taking intercourse off the table helps us tap into our adolescent "selves," allowing us to be playful and flirty. All of these measures can help spark a relationship.

After a week of mindfully flirting with your partner, you will notice that your sexual desire for this person increases. Now, this is only one technique to enhance sexual connectedness, but it can be a fun one!

Adoring each other’s body, soul and mind is a wonderful journey in a relationship. For partners who struggle in this area, do not be afraid to ask for help. Therapy around sexuality can bring deep connection between you and your lover!

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    Kimberly Castelo, LMFT, CST, CIIP



    Annie, Clinical Intern